


So Happy World

by goldenweiss



Category: Cardcaptor Sakura
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Bonding, Clear Card Arc (Cardcaptor Sakura), Family Feels, Fluff, Found Family, Gen, Healing, Personal Growth, Post-Canon, Sweet, burn the squids, kaito has some unhealthy coping mechanisms, momo? more like (mom)o
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-15 16:55:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29811540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldenweiss/pseuds/goldenweiss
Summary: After the end of Clear Card, Yuna D. Kaito is stuck in a dilemma. His emotions are a convoluted mess, and the failure of one of the only real goals he had in his life led him to have a distorted cognition of himself and the people around him, building walls around his heart so tall that they could never be broken into.Being chained in uncertainty, he finds himself slowly going back to the child he was in the past. Lost, isolated and unaffected.But, even after all this time travelling around the world, what he still doesn't see realize is... he's not alone.
Kudos: 2





	1. Another Ideology | Beneath the Mask

**Author's Note:**

> hello, everyone! after some time, here am i again with a new project! the concept is something that has been on my mind for a long, long time, and since march is not only #burnthesquids month, but also kaito's birthday month, i decided to post this now!  
> this is a clear card trio centric fic, since i love them very much and they deserve to be happy <3  
> if you want to follow me for more updates or just to see what i've been up to lately, my twitter is @wondergolde! feel free to talk to me there!  
> from here, i say goodbye, and i hope you enjoy your time here!

> _Days come to a rest and the moon watches over the earth like a mother singing her children to sleep, wishing them a peaceful slumber, free of the night terrors that may follow. You are the only child who did not receive her wishes. You didn't know what time it was, nor on what day of the year you were, maybe a week or so has passed since that time, you didn't keep track of it. You lost the notion of time while in your cold and colourless room. With no lights on at any moment in time, you felt the need to fall into a deep sleep, but you couldn't close your eyes._
> 
> _You were still taking care of yourself, cooking for Akiho and cleaning in the hours after dark, while no one was awake. You rarely got out in the daytime, because, even though you were physically there, your mind was in a totally different place, and you didn't pay a lot of attention to your surroundings, if not any at all. Since then, some time has passed. You wonder about how did this come to be, always dissatisfied with the answers your mind gave you. If this is the best possible ending… why do you feel like a lost child who can't seem to recognize their location or even their own identity? Or, better yet… why do you feel like this once again?_
> 
> _Are you listening, Yuna D. Kaito?_
> 
> _Yuna D. Kaito?_
> 
> * * *

For Yuna D. Kaito, the way ahead, the one that once was so clear and set, now seemed hazy. In the middle of nowhere, there were various roads to be seen, but he had no idea of which one to follow. It was all so convoluted, almost like a ball of yarn in a cat’s paws. He could not tell where one ended and made room for another to begin, or even where any of them led to in the first place. If he trusted one way and followed it until the end, he would always arrive at a blind alley.

"If I can't go by familiar paths, does trusting others ever matter?" 

With water still on his hands after washing the dishes, he stood on the tip of his toes in order to reach for the place he should be keeping the plates in, but… he didn't seem to be able to do it. Even if he stood like that, jumped a bit, or extended his arms even more, he couldn't do it. "Was this place always this high up…?" – he thought. That was something very odd for him since he didn't remember ever having any sort of hardships regarding these kinds of things before. Everything came to him naturally, without any need for an effort at all.

He tried once more, just a little more… and when he barely reached it… everything that was there fell down all at once.

— Shi- ugh... ! — Kaito desperately attempted to save all the things that fell, and out of all the attempts, he only succeeded in rescuing one, as all the others laid broken, scattered on the floor. Something about the sight only brought the boy embarrassment. Maybe because out of ten expensive plates, there was only one left.

"Well, I guess this is my life now." — he muttered to himself, making disgruntled noises while collecting the sea of porcelain shards.

Every simple task once executed elegantly and perfectly was slowly turning into a royal disaster. Even the appearance of the desserts he prepares, which was one of the core factors for him to consider them good enough to serve, looked empty. He tries to repeat the process again and again, using the same recipes he used before, without any difference in the methods, but the result never changes. Now, he can only hope it’s still decent.

The more time passed, the more days felt all the same, or they became worse. Day after day, he stayed up late at night, struggling to even keep his eyes open, carrying around a heavy burden, doing all the same things he did before. Cooking, cleaning and putting up barriers between himself and the world. Those barriers grew even greater, almost impenetrable, and the distance between the boy and everyone around him grew more and more each time they were reconstructed.

There were so many questions infesting his mind, he just needed some time to sort them out — that was what he thought at first, but with each day that passed, he left the same note with slight changes on the dinner table. — "I’m staying in my room today. I prepared X for dinner. As for dessert, I prepared Y, and it's in the fridge. Please don't worry, I’m sorry, goodbye." — was what the first one read. 

Kaito knew something was odd about the way he was experiencing time when the notes started piling up. He had thought just a few long days had passed, but when he realized, almost a month had gone by since it all started. He knows these practices are not healthy, he knows this can’t continue like this. 

But even so... he can’t stop himself from returning to his bubble of silence and solitude, where the dullness embraces him with open arms. And not only that… Yuna D. Kaito buried himself so deep in a distorted cognition of people that he can’t bring himself to interact with anyone but himself. 

When he tried to speak, it was as if the words refused to come out of his mouth, especially when he was talking to _her_. It was exhausting. Maybe it was out of embarrassment for not having realized sooner, maybe he was trying to process how things turned out, maybe he still had many things to learn about. The only thing he could tell was that his failure in the plan took him way off his tracks, and, even if he tried, he could not find them again.

For Yuna D. Kaito, the rare true happiness he felt seemed fake and undeserved. It was so new, it's so different, it was so… scary. He never saw himself as someone with a broad vision of the future, or even as someone who was particularly pessimistic, but still, why does every positive experience seem ephemeral? Even if good things happen, in the back of his mind, it always feels like something is absolutely not right. Everything is wrong. 

That plan… he dedicated his whole "life" to it. Gambling his lifespan away multiple times in order to guarantee Akiho's safety and happiness, challenging time and fate, but, even with those efforts, just when he almost achieved closure… the plan fell apart in no time, or better yet, _someone_ interrupted it and _made_ it fall apart. Kaito could say he feels quite betrayed, but he still can't understand why. Akiho is happy and safe, right? That was his only goal, why, even after it happened, he feels so… incomplete? It's like he can't come to terms with how the situation ended, because even if the end goal was the same, in his original plan, if it all ended successfully… he wouldn't feel this way. He was not supposed to be here anymore.

If it all ended successfully… 

“What should I do now?” — the question that haunted his mind every day. — “I don’t have any plans. Do I even have a future at this point…?” — the thought of being lost forever was eerie, the unpredictable, unplanned future even scarier than everything he ever experienced before.

He stared at the wall, blocking every noise from the outside. — Was my decision back then a mistake…? No… I’m sure it wasn't, but… — he unconsciously whispered to himself.

"Yuna D. Kaito." — a voice called out for him. 

— I'm sure it was not a mistake. — he responded. 

"Yuna D. Kaito…?" 

— I just need to sort things out. 

— **Yuna D. Kaito. —** the harsh touch of a hand on his shoulder dragged him out of the world inside his mind and made him return to reality. — What are you talking about? 

— You… why are you here? — the suddenness and the harshness of the touch almost made him fall back and hit the counter, but it was at least enough to wake him up. — You… no… – the person in front of him was the one he was trying to avoid the most. Now, more than ever, that boy felt so tiny and helpless compared to her. Her sharp violet eyes, judgmental as ever… 

— I was helping Akiho with her homework, and… — she glanced at the few scattered pieces of porcelain in the ground that he hadn't collected. — Well, this. I had a feeling you were here some time ago, so I came to check. But other than that, I came here because I was worried.

Instinctively, Kaito distanced himself, without realizing he was in the worst position ever. He had nowhere to run. — Because of the plates…? — he said, forcing a nervous smile. After being received with that response, Momo sighed and placed her fingers on the side of her eyes. With only the short moments that Kaito looked directly at her, Momo could see the fear and confusion right through his eyes. That smile was one she knew all too well; the years she spent with him were enough for her to know when he was hiding something, especially when it came to his thoughts and feelings. 

He was  **terrified** . But how could he not be? He probably wasn't expecting someone to come and see him that night, since he did everything to be unseen. He thought they would shrug it off and try to do it in the daytime. When he was in his room, occasionally they would knock on the door, worried about his well-being, but he wouldn't exactly answer. In these situations, he would pass little notes with empty words through the bottom of the door. He hoped this would satisfy their woes, although, deep down… he knew it wouldn't. But even if it wouldn't, he just couldn't stop doing it. In the first few days, he tried to put an end to this situation, trying to go out of his comfort zone and living a normal life outside, but when he tried opening the door… he couldn't. "It's dangerous to go outside. Please, stay here." — those words rang in his mind every time he made an attempt to escape himself. — "I can't change. Not like this."

— Yuna D. Kaito… what I’m worried about is you. — When she spoke these words, she could see the moment the mask fell down to his feet, his glance dropping down as if he was trying to enter some sort of shell to protect himself. 

— Why…? 

— I need you to listen to me, just this once. — she tried to conceal her own emotions, however, seeing this boy being led away to a wave of uncertainty and despair was truly something that affected her deeply. A greater tragedy was certainly avoided, but, even so, the damage that was done to these children in their past was still there. 

— That day… you lied, didn't you? — she said with a soft but serious tone. — I asked multiple times about how you were feeling, and to all of them, you responded… "I am fine." You laughed, and it was one of the most genuine expressions of joy I saw coming from you since we met. Was that a lie, too…? — the moonlight reflected on her sorrowful gaze as she slowly approached him. — Well, you don't need to answer that question. I'm going to ask once again, what I  _ need _ to know is, how do you feel? 

— How do I feel…? 

— Yes. You don't need to tell me everything… I just need to understand what you've been thinking.

— I, well… — he took a deep breath and closed his eyes momentarily, trying to find a way to describe his situation. — I don't know. That's… pretty much how I feel. — with a whisper, he responded. There was nowhere to run, now. As much as he wanted to avoid this, he knew it would come for him.

— Is that so…? — with a sad smile, she understood. — You're unsure about what you're going to do now, and that is putting you in a lot of distress, am I right?

— Yes… you're right. 

— A lot of things must be going through your mind right now. I remember that, when I saw you here, at first, you were whispering to yourself, saying things like: "I just need to sort things out". Did you isolate yourself in an attempt to cope with all of this?

— Yes… it's a bit ridiculous, isn't it…? — his voice was shrouded with a veil of shame and regret. Distributing short gazes through his whereabouts, he laughed. 

— Well, it definitely is not a healthy coping mechanism, but, it's not ridiculous. — Momo took his hand in hers, holding it gently. — You were trying to take care of yourself. I'm sure your intention was not to make anyone feel guilty in any way. You just thought it was the best option… but I do want you to keep in mind, that you're not alone. You don't have to go through this alone, Yu… — she interrupted herself for a second, smiled and continued... — Kaito. 

She never thought she would be in this position before.

The people who came to her for a contract would always have only one intention in their minds: more power. They heard about the book, and with a great deal of confidence and arrogance, they tried to "seize" it, to "dominate" it. She always warned them about the consequences, but no one would ever listen. "What say does a creation have in what a magician does?" — was always their mentality. It was tiring, if Momo could speak with all her honesty. She thought she knew human nature well, because of her experiences and because of her decent knowledge of literature and culture. Even so, she kept her expectations low.

That is, until  _ that girl _ came into the picture. Even though they had a contract, they developed some sort of friendship along the way, one that transcended simple "affiliation". That made her realize all sorts of things about humanity and life itself, things that she would never have discovered by herself. After her death, Momo decided to do something for her, out of admiration and respect. But not only that, she did it out of kindness. 

Taking care of Akiho and that boy… Momo never could have thought she would get so close to someone before.

— Hey.... — he looked at her with genuine sorrow in his eyes. Although he smiled, he seemed to be just about to cry. He held on into her hand more forcefully as he spoke. — What should I do now? I can't change, and I will never change even if I try. I can only be me… I’m still the same as I’ve always been. A kid who can't figure out where to go. 

— Kaito… you may not see it, but you've already changed a lot. At that time, you realized the reason you were doing all of that for, right…? You weren't doing it "just because". You were doing it because you realized that Akiho is like family to you. You realized you aren't an empty shell who lacks emotions. You  **changed** … but, most of all… remember you're not alone. You should not bottle up your feelings to yourself. I am here for you, Akiho's here for you. The uncertain tomorrow is terrifying, but that's exactly why we should be together in these times. To change and to provoke changes in the future.

Kaito, with tears in his eyes, reached out for a hug, which Momo readily reciprocated. He apologized while being comforted by Momo, who, unconsciously inspired by the one and only successor of Clow, said that everything would be all right. 

Yuna D. Kaito, once exhausted but unable to sleep, now could rest.

He remembers parting ways with Momo, going to his room by himself, and practically falling down on the bed, sleeping soundly through the rest of the night.


	2. Walking on my own path.

> You sat alone in the corner of a sunlit room that couldn't get any colder. Reading magic books in a language you couldn't understand anymore was almost like a picture book made up of abstract sketches. 
> 
> When was the last time you ever said something besides "yes" or "no"? 
> 
> Is _this_ what life holds for you?
> 
> Even if you don't understand, you feel like you have to do this. By nightfall, those people will come and take all they can hold from your little hands before you grow cold.
> 
> This is the price of your gift. Pay for it yourself.
> 
> * * *

Way after the first break of dawn, Yuna D. Kaito lazily opened his eyes to greet the world for another day. The sudden rush of light did not harm his sight, because there barely was one at all. Eventide was probably drawing close. 

At first, he struggled to get up. Feeling almost chained to the bed, his arms hurt when he tried to use them for support while getting up. 

After minutes of struggle, he finally managed to get up, taking a seat on the corner of the bed. Staring at the wall, he took a deep breath. Even though he probably had slept way, way more than before, he still felt tired. "It's probably better than nothing, right…?" — he thought. 

Finally up, he went in the direction of the bathroom to take a cold bath, to see if that would help his disposition somehow. 

He saw the world through wet lashes and a blurry vision while feeling a cold, sharp sensation in the core of his being, with a frightening realization. Akiho. He stopped to think about yesterday's scene, and that was when he realized the possibility of Akiho being alone, awake, listening to him sobbing in Momo's arms, trying to be as quiet as possible… scared. Wondering when all that would come to an end, thinking about the possibility of anyone getting hurt, in a wave of heartbreak. **Worried and alone** , not knowing what to do.

"Maybe I’m projecting way too much… but, still." — he thought. — "I have to make a proper apology this time, and especially, I have to apologize to Akiho for being so inconsequential. For everything, really. It's the least I could do to try to repair this." — bringing his hand to his forehead, he said his thoughts out loud after a sigh. — I did fuck everything up ever since I decided to isolate myself, after all. God… why did I even do that in the first place…? _Why_ did I think that was a good idea in the first place? — after getting a broader view of the situation in its entirety, he truly started to regret this turn of events. — I guess that doesn't really matter for now… it's not like I can risk turning back time to fix everything anymore. I can only change my future from now on.

After that, he got back into the room and opened his wardrobe to see what would be fit for the day, revealing various of the same pieces and a mirror that was covered with a blanket. None of his clothing stood out in any way, but it wasn't like they should stand out, too. He had a pretty defined style of clothing that he didn't bother drifting away from. 

He just picked up the one closest to his reach.

With preparations done, he stood in front of the door, staring at the handle. His hand hovered by it, and he didn't avert his eyes, to see if the hesitation would go away. 

He held the handle forcefully and rotated it, opening the door, closing his eyes and letting fate guide him from now on. Putting his hand against the wall, hearing conversations from afar and feeling the texture of each segment in his fingertips until he hit a corner, leading him to the living room.

He opened his eyes, being received by a polite smile from Momo and complete silence coming from Akiho. He then awkwardly said… 

— Good morning.

Because of his presence, Akiho let go of the plate she was holding in a heartbeat and got up from the seat.

— Kaito… you're… back?

Akiho stood frozen in time, with her eyes fixated on a familiar face she had not seen in a long time. The worry she had to carry for these past few months seemed to suddenly disappear without a second thought. With cloudy eyes and a sunny smile, she realized she had so much to say, and this excess of happiness and enthusiasm led her feelings to drift down her face like a gentle rainfall. 

With short, slow steps, she approached in disbelief. 

— You're here… you're really here… Kaito! — in no time, her slow, steady steps got faster and faster, and she ran to embrace the boy in a hug accompanied by desperate, irrational sobs of joy. Its suddenness and forcefulness made Kaito gasp; it was the last surprise. — I'm glad… you're okay…! So glad… really… — she hugged him tightly, and as if she was finally reuniting with someone long gone, she refused to let go. After all this time worrying, carrying an intense heartache, she finally reunited with the sibling she never had. She repeated her expressions of happiness again and again in inaudible, muffled whispers between sobs. Akiho never would have thought that she could feel so relieved and free from disturbance and anxiety while crying her heart out.

"I am so glad you are here. I'm so glad you are **alive**." — words of her newfound hope, left unsaid so the situation wouldn't get too emotionally overwhelming for both. Letting go of the sound of them on her mind, she let these words fly away with the zephyr, waiting for another opportunity to return.

— Akiho… — Kaito was almost completely paralyzed, not knowing how to respond. — Hey… uh... — he called out for Akiho with an awkward smile., which made her suddenly let go.

— Oh, I’m so sorry! — as she quickly distanced herself, she wiped her tears with her wrists and laughed. — That was a bit too much, wasn't it?

— Just a little bit. — he tried to crack a smile to ease the mood, but it ended up breaking as soon as it appeared. 

— I’ll… I’ll keep that in mind! — she laughed clumsily until she looked up and noticed his expression. — Kaito…?

— Oh, I’m sorry. It’s nothing. Don’t worry. — even though he said that out loud, inside, the soul screamed at the brain with annoyance. “Why can’t you just say the truth about how you feel…? Why do you always feel the need to lie? Get a hold of yourself.” 

— Is it really nothing…?

— It’s just that… — “why is it so difficult for you… me… to say it?” — I want to apologize for the problems I have caused all this time. I’m sorry for causing all of this. It probably was very inconsequential on my part, and it might have caused worry. I’m sorry. 

A few seconds of silence ensued before Akiho decided to answer. — I was really worried for you… and I still am. These days, Momo helped me a lot… and she also assured me that you were safe. I still don't quite understand it, but… it has to do with the contract you two have, I think… — Kaito quickly glanced at Momo, seeing her sad smile. — But, even though all of this, Kaito… — Akiho smiled at him with a gentleness that could melt even the iciest of hearts. — the most important thing now is that you are safe. 

Kaito did not have a poker-face. All his emotions show themselves all at once in his expression, and it was extremely noticeable if you looked at him. He was visibly taken aback. 

— And, you know… I kinda understand how you feel… I felt alone too, back then. I felt like a burden to other people, but… I realized I had so many great people around me who weren't like them… you, Momo, even before I knew about her being alive, Sakura and the others… I realized I was not alone, and that there were people in which I could confide in. — she stopped for a second before continuing. — Oh, I kinda lost myself in thought here… but, what I want to say is… Kaito, you're not alone. Don't forget that. When you're feeling down, or even if you just need to vent a little… you can confide in me, too. 

Kaito took one of his hands to his eyes, covering them, and smiled. — Thanks… thanks a lot. — his voice sounded a bit unstable, but he still managed to keep his overall composure. 

— Do you promise that you will not deal with your problems alone from now on...? — Akiho responded.

— I do. 

— Then you can't break it, okay? 

— I won't... — he spoke quietly but firmly, with fragmented confidence in his words.

Yuna D. Kaito didn't do “promises”. For him, those were like a challenge, and while certainly this wasn’t supposed to be taken this way, this was the way he could understand the most. He never truly promised anything to anyone before. Trusting others was an otherworldly concept for him, and even now, he doesn't trust himself. You don't practice emotional intelligence when you're up to being the next ephemeral magician.

"To live beyond being a makeshift tool… beyond being a butler… is that even possible?" — the sense of his own identity, even now, found itself buried deep in his mind. It was purposefully buried by himself and by those people, too, for different reasons. The first one to feel no pain, and the second one because they realized it would be much easier to manipulate someone who had no will or desire of their own.

"This may lead me to an answer. I'll try to follow the unsure road from now on. I'll create it as I go." 

“It will be difficult, but… I can take this as a new goal to try to fill the void that situation left on me…” — he thought. He now decided to follow this way until he could find his own again. For Akiho’s sake, and his own, too. It's difficult, and it will certainly be a long journey. "Learning how to live..." — He closed his eyes and smiled as confidently as his heart let him. — I’ll try.

— Very well, I’ll be watching you, Yuna D. Kaito. — Momo barged in the conversation, amusingly laughing while saying those words, while still keeping some level of elegance and sophistication in her tone.

— Momo! — Akiho was taken by surprise by Momo's comment, but she couldn't say she did not find it rather funny. 

— Hm… is that so…? — Kaito responded to Momo's confrontation with a tone that could almost be read as defiant, which was different from how he appeared seconds before.

— Oh, ready to take on the challenge, I see? After all those years since you first contacted me, you should know that I’m a woman of my word. Are you ready for this, though…? — she had a smug smile while speaking, which lasted for a couple of seconds before the narrative changed. — I’m joking, by the way. You shall be your own supervisor in this situation.

— Bet… oh, of course, it was a joke. I was... just playing along,

yeah. I sure knew…

— Are your interactions always like this? — Akiho asked out of genuine curiosity since she missed out on all of this for the past few years.

— You could say so. — Momo answered.

— Yeah, pretty much. — Kaito followed.

Akiho still couldn’t fathom the fact that her plushie was alive all along and she had been missing out on so much since the travels started. She still really wishes she could have been a part of that, even though when she asked Momo about what happened all this time she was oblivious to everything, she always responded that the whole ordeal was distressing and, not great overall. But despite the despair, she, to this day, wishes she could have been there. Just to know how it was like. And to know more about them, too… she wishes she could have been able to help them since the start. Now, she can help. And she will not lose the opportunity to recover her lost time to do just that.

— Oh… Kaito!

— What’s the matter?

— Can I… can I help you cook today?

— Hm… sure! I don’t know what I’ll make for today, so I guess you could help me with that if you want, too. — his usual smile was back once again, but this time… it was genuine. 

— I would be glad to help…! Oh, wait! I’ll get something in my room and I’ll be right back! — Akiho responded while running at an ungodly speed to her room.

— Wait, Akiho! — Kaito called out to her, and it seems Momo thought the same thing as him at the same time.

— Don’t run so fast so you don’t…! — Momo couldn’t even finish her sentence before she heard a loud thud hit the ground. — fall… — she sighed audibly and rested her palm on her forehead, smiling nervously. — Oh, Akiho…

— Do you need any help?! — the sound of the impact alarmed Kaito, and he wasted no time before starting going in the direction in which she fell. 

— Oh, no, no! It isn’t hurting, I just tripped! Just wait for me there, okay? 

Footsteps could be heard again, and both Kaito and Momo felt relieved that she did not hurt herself at that moment, with relieved sighs in unison.

Despite it all, and also despite the tension that was undoubtedly still in the air, it was different from the air from before. Kaito felt a warm feeling that balanced the sheer cold from earlier, which told him, in a soft breeze…

**This is home.**


End file.
